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I went up to cute guys at bars when I was out with friends, only to discover they were taken or not into women. I even had not one, but two matchmakers try to make me a match, and still, nothing happened. So I tried the next best thing to find true romance: dating apps. I spent a good chunk of my 20s swiping on almost all of the dating apps that were available, from Tinder to Bumble to Raya to JSwipe aka Jewish Tinder.
But nothing came of it. At first, I thought the apps were the problem, but I never thought that maybe my approach to dating and the guys I was giving my time to were the issues. I went on a few good dates. At one point, my friends would often make fun of me, because it would seem I would go on a date a day. Over the years, I have easily been on 10 thousand hours worth of dates in my 20s. And according to Malcolm Gladwell, this would make me an expert…a dating expert. I ended my 20s thinking I had found my person at 29 years old.
I uprooted my life, gave up on my hopes and dreams in Los Angeles to support his hopes and dreams in New York, only to find myself even more alone in this relationship than I ever felt when I was single. So we broke up, and I eventually moved back home to L. If I was going to get into another relationship, it should be with someone who feels whole as well.
Once I started dating with this mentality, I went on three dates in three days with an incredible guy, who is now my boyfriend. To help, I provided cliff notes on what I learned from dating in my 20s and the lessons I finally started listening to in my 30s—which I wholeheartedly believe is what led me to the healthy and happy relationship I have today. The most common dating obstacle you may experience in your twenties is distance. The best way to decide is to make sure you and your partner are on the same and putting in the same amount of effort to make time for one another.
This advice seems obvious, no? Sure, I was aware of the red flags in my twenties, but instead of dumping my ificant others, I became a master of making up excuses for them and their behaviors. In my 30s, I finally noticed that red flags would appear on the first date. Instead of making up excuses or trying to fix these possible red flags, ask yourself if you can accept these dealbreakers. For instance, if your date confesses they still live with their ex, ask yourself if you really feel comfortable with that situation.
Can you confidently date someone whose ex is still physically in the picture? If you honestly can, then go for it. If this makes your stomach turn, then end the relationship before your feelings get even more involved. As an only child, this was hard for me to accept. And honestly, who has time for that? I kept dating textbook narcissists with a slight Patrick Bateman vibe. All of those relationships ended the same way: me heartbroken when I discovered that I would never be a priority to my knight in shining Underarmor. If you find yourself dating the same type of person over and over again or maybe your friends call you out on it , it might be time to take a pause with dating and focus on yourself.
Hone in on what you want and do not want in a partner and relationship. Every time I felt something was off when I was in a relationship, I was right. Like the one time I started to get panic attacks when I was dating my ex because deep down, I felt something was off. While I never found out if he did anything wrong, the panic attacks did go away the second we broke up.
Ultimately, your partner should make your life easier, not more difficult. I used to think it was normal for my exes to make me cry, which is so wrong. This is the complete opposite of when my ex would tell me that I was being dramatic, every time I would cry over something he said that was insensitive. A partner helps you solve your stresses and problems instead of being the cause of them—or making them worse.
Stop it. Yes, breaking up always sucks, but it gets harder the longer you prolong it. So do it now before your lives get more intertwined. But when we were friends, he would always be there for me, willing to help me whenever he could. Eventually, we stopped hooking up. We were never on the same as lovers, but we could show up for each other as friends. But at the end of the day, this relationship helped me realize what I did and did not want in a partner—and I think you can do the same. Just be honest with yourself and try your best to objectively look at your relationship. In order to be in a healthy and successful relationship, you and your partner must be on the same about things.
They might disintegrate. Whoever ingrained in our he that our 20s was the only time to settle down is seriously deranged. I was such an awkward mess in my 20s, unsure of who I was and what I wanted. I got here by journaling, making a lot of mistakes, learning from them, getting good at being alone, taking time to work on myself, and reading books.
But it took a lot of work to get here. And for the first time in my life, I really feel like I have found The One. Hopefully, these tips were helpful and will save you time with dating. Dating can be so much fun as long as you enjoy it. So have fun and be safe out there!
Home Love I went on 10k hours of dates in my 20s—and here are the 10 lessons I learned. I went on 10k hours of dates in my 20s—and here are the 10 lessons I learned. Gabi Conti Updated Feb 07, pm. Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial team. If you make a purchase using the links included, we may earn commission. FB Tweet More. Dating in your twenties, dating advice. Credit: Getty Images. All rights reserved. Close this dialog window View image I went on 10k hours of dates in my 20s—and here are the 10 lessons I learned.How to find love in your 20s
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