Married but things are missing

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Late one night in their apartment, Hung was halfway through a round of Bejeweled Blitz when her S. With research affirming the benefits of bonding between romantic partners, it may seem strange to imagine closeness has potential downsides. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, , Sep. As Lisa Firestone , Ph. The weird thing about getting married is that it does involve a sort of loss: the loss of your single self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, , Feb. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, , Aug.

To maintain your sense of self and avoid killing the sparks, Firestone recommends making a point to keep going out with your friends and having fun with your partner like you did while were still dating. Activities like trying new bars or restaurants, exploring a museum, or even training for a half-marathon together totally count.

In protest, she says she wore herself out trying to prove that she was still her former self, making her husband feel like an afterthought at times. But eventually Hung learned to simply be herself. She honored her need for alone time while still finding enough time to spend with her pals and her husband alike. Edan Lepucki , author of California , had no problem being her own person post-marriage.

Her issue? That person was filled with self-doubt, anxiety about marriage, and fears that whatever happiness she might have found with her partner would go down in flames. But as marriage and family therapist Paul Hokemeyer , J. And trust that this insecurity will fade over time as the foundation of your marriage gets deeper and wider. Lepucki did just that. Following a few years of therapy, solid communication with her husband, and a deep reflection on her past, she came to discover her fears about marriage had much to do with the trauma of watching her own parents divorce when she was —and fretting that she had no model of a solid marriage to emulate.

Over time we came back to our old selves again. And the better the marriage got, the more ridiculous my fears seemed. One more reason spouses may pine for their pre-married selves is that the post-wedding period can feel like a little bit of a let-down, no matter how much they love their S. As Rhoberta Shaler , Ph. Saying "thank you" is one thing — feeling grateful is another. This gratitude playlist will put you in the right frame of mind to practice….

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Married but things are missing

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7 s that say you married the wrong person